Bandis Tal's trials
Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2015 11:51 pm
My name is Bandis Tal. Before, I would have told you the life of a Jedi and the life of a soldier were completely compatible; that there would be no difficulties in merging the two paths.
I would have been wrong for telling you that.
This truth was never so clear to me as to when I took my trials to become a Jedi. When I meditated for my trials, I envisioned myself in an x-wing fighter. I think of myself as a capable pilot, so I had no trouble relating to the controls of that vehicle. I began to soar freely through the stars, until I was soon confronted by a star destroyer coming out of hyperspace. All alone, by myself against a star destroyer, I assessed my options. Logically, I could not take on an entire star destroyer by myself. Using my superior intellect that is highly prized by those of the Duros race, I thought of tactics that could help me win this battle. I could not think of any. I was outgunned, and could not possibly hope to win this fight. So I did what was the most logical for a soldier; I surrendered. For me, I did not like that option, but at least I found a peaceful solution to the confrontation; one that might allow me to escape and to fight another day.
I failed that test.
I meditated again for my trial. Again, I was confronted with the same scenario; by myself in my x-wing, against what I perceived to be an insurmountable enemy. I knew I could not do the same thing I did before; so this time, I chose to fight. I used all my knowledge of tactics and piloting to put up a fight against that star destroyer; to do my best to win that hopeless battle, even if it meant dying. That is not the lesson I was to learn that day. Knowledge, experience and tactics are not things I am to put my trust in as a Jedi; something that I am taught to do as a soldier. No, I was to put my trust in something greater; the Force.
So I failed that test again.
For the third time, I took this test. This time, I did what my soldier instincts told me was foolhardy; I closed my eyes, and allowed the Force to flow through me. It was a sensation I had never felt before. Only when I did this, did I learn to open myself up to my emotions, and to the light side of the force. Once I learned to trust something other than my tactics, did I confront that star destroyer, landing several incredibly difficult shots which disabled the star destroyer’s shields, and knocked out the star destroyer’s engines. I had done what most tacticians would have told me was impossible; I won that battle. I won that battle, succeeded in the trial, and earned my first crystal, my blue crystal, for my primary light saber.
Because I was going to wield two light sabers, I needed another trial. This time, during meditation, I came to encounter Cal in melee battle. I drew my lightsabers, and he drew some sort of Sith sword. We traded blows for a while, but I was a superior fighter, and was able to disarm Cal. He offered surrender. I looked at him, and knew he was not sincere. I knew from my previous encounters with him, he had many officials loyal to him and his credits. If I were to accept his surrender, he would simply get out of prison by the corruption he spread, and would continue with the evil that I knew him capable of. I had to stop him, so I ran my lightsaber through his chest. In my mind, this permanently resolved the problem with Cal’s evil. This was what my soldier instincts told me was the right solution.
Needless to say, I failed that test as well.
I retook that trial, and chose to accept Cal’s surrender. I learned i-n that trial, that judgment must be tempered by compassion. Although accepting a surrender might seem foolhardy in the short term, I realized it is up to the Force to determine whether a person is capable of changing their lives or not. It was not up to me to be their executioner. Cal will eventually answer for all his crimes and all his evil. Perhaps it will still be by my blade at a different time when he chooses not to surrender, but this time, when he does surrender, all I can do is honor the Force by accepting the surrender, and giving him a chance of redemption. That day, I earned my green crystal for my second lightsaber.
I know I failed these tests multiple times. I’m not sure if this will make me a bad jedi or not, but I do realize that life is not just about two or three different trials, but life itself is a trial all of its own. Any Jedi who says they have never failed a trial is a liar. People always come up short some of the time. But it is best to analyze our failings and to try again, and next time, to pass the next trial that comes our way.
When I am asked how I can blend being a soldier with being a Jedi, from now on, I will tell them that one path must become dominate while the other one dies away; the path of the Jedi must become dominate, while my life as a soldier must fade away for something greater; for the service of the Force as one of its knights.
I would have been wrong for telling you that.
This truth was never so clear to me as to when I took my trials to become a Jedi. When I meditated for my trials, I envisioned myself in an x-wing fighter. I think of myself as a capable pilot, so I had no trouble relating to the controls of that vehicle. I began to soar freely through the stars, until I was soon confronted by a star destroyer coming out of hyperspace. All alone, by myself against a star destroyer, I assessed my options. Logically, I could not take on an entire star destroyer by myself. Using my superior intellect that is highly prized by those of the Duros race, I thought of tactics that could help me win this battle. I could not think of any. I was outgunned, and could not possibly hope to win this fight. So I did what was the most logical for a soldier; I surrendered. For me, I did not like that option, but at least I found a peaceful solution to the confrontation; one that might allow me to escape and to fight another day.
I failed that test.
I meditated again for my trial. Again, I was confronted with the same scenario; by myself in my x-wing, against what I perceived to be an insurmountable enemy. I knew I could not do the same thing I did before; so this time, I chose to fight. I used all my knowledge of tactics and piloting to put up a fight against that star destroyer; to do my best to win that hopeless battle, even if it meant dying. That is not the lesson I was to learn that day. Knowledge, experience and tactics are not things I am to put my trust in as a Jedi; something that I am taught to do as a soldier. No, I was to put my trust in something greater; the Force.
So I failed that test again.
For the third time, I took this test. This time, I did what my soldier instincts told me was foolhardy; I closed my eyes, and allowed the Force to flow through me. It was a sensation I had never felt before. Only when I did this, did I learn to open myself up to my emotions, and to the light side of the force. Once I learned to trust something other than my tactics, did I confront that star destroyer, landing several incredibly difficult shots which disabled the star destroyer’s shields, and knocked out the star destroyer’s engines. I had done what most tacticians would have told me was impossible; I won that battle. I won that battle, succeeded in the trial, and earned my first crystal, my blue crystal, for my primary light saber.
Because I was going to wield two light sabers, I needed another trial. This time, during meditation, I came to encounter Cal in melee battle. I drew my lightsabers, and he drew some sort of Sith sword. We traded blows for a while, but I was a superior fighter, and was able to disarm Cal. He offered surrender. I looked at him, and knew he was not sincere. I knew from my previous encounters with him, he had many officials loyal to him and his credits. If I were to accept his surrender, he would simply get out of prison by the corruption he spread, and would continue with the evil that I knew him capable of. I had to stop him, so I ran my lightsaber through his chest. In my mind, this permanently resolved the problem with Cal’s evil. This was what my soldier instincts told me was the right solution.
Needless to say, I failed that test as well.
I retook that trial, and chose to accept Cal’s surrender. I learned i-n that trial, that judgment must be tempered by compassion. Although accepting a surrender might seem foolhardy in the short term, I realized it is up to the Force to determine whether a person is capable of changing their lives or not. It was not up to me to be their executioner. Cal will eventually answer for all his crimes and all his evil. Perhaps it will still be by my blade at a different time when he chooses not to surrender, but this time, when he does surrender, all I can do is honor the Force by accepting the surrender, and giving him a chance of redemption. That day, I earned my green crystal for my second lightsaber.
I know I failed these tests multiple times. I’m not sure if this will make me a bad jedi or not, but I do realize that life is not just about two or three different trials, but life itself is a trial all of its own. Any Jedi who says they have never failed a trial is a liar. People always come up short some of the time. But it is best to analyze our failings and to try again, and next time, to pass the next trial that comes our way.
When I am asked how I can blend being a soldier with being a Jedi, from now on, I will tell them that one path must become dominate while the other one dies away; the path of the Jedi must become dominate, while my life as a soldier must fade away for something greater; for the service of the Force as one of its knights.